Tales of a Pandemic Pup

UGH.

humans get nothing that I do! Like, for example, I was just communicating with my friends, and the family all started freaking out! They are still confusing me to this very day.

sometimes, humans can get angry, yell at me, and I don’t get a single treat! Yes, I eat leaves, but it’s part of my system. Treats are only for training, apparently.

These days are very squirrel-ifiyed. And yes, I also eat lizards.

  • 8.

    Okay/not okay

    Today was a okay/not okay day. You probably read my last blog post. And I did NOT like how my humans, yelled at me for doing puppy-like things. ALL I DID WAS JUMP ON THE TABLE!!!!! Wait, so why did they give me a cookie? I don’t know. Whatever.

    Nothing gets past… king? That’s what sister called me. Also I think I figured out sisters REAL name! Her real name is…

    Moonsuits! That’s what shuffles calls her.

    ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

  • 7.

    Tomorrow, I become a man. That’s right, it’s my second birthday. My humans say that when I turn 2, I’m no longer going to be a puppy. I’ll now be a dog – which I suspect also means that I won’t be able to get away with so many of my antics. You know, the ones my humans excuse because I’m “still just a puppy.” I hope they don’t expect me to be totally good. Just because I’m 2, I’m still going to want Sister’s breakfast. It’s still going to be hard to avoid her toys. And I still consider socks to be my security blanket….I hope tomorrow goes ok…

  • 6.

    Okay, so you might be wondering about if my owners, Shuffles, Food Lady, and Sister know about my blog. The truth is, they don’t! So i’m going to fix that! It’s going to be hard, but it’s worth it.

    Here’s a picture of me TRYING to do that.

    Oh, wait SQUIRREL!

    I got distracted by a squirrel

  • 5.

    Sorry it’s been awhile…it’s been a busy week. Sister started 2nd grade. I sat home. Sister went to her first concert. I sat home. Sister got to go to the Hollywood Bowl. I…you know what happened.

    Now listen, before you accuse me of being a jealous younger brother, I would like to plead my case. My humans expect a lot from me. First, they expect me to sit patiently home while they go do fun things. Second, they expect me to distinguish between my toys and Sister’s toys and instruct me to NEVER touch Sister’s toys. To prove my point, I would like to submit Exhibit A and Exhibit B. One is Sister’s toy and one is mine. Am I really supposed to know the difference? I’m a colorblind puppy, after all.

  • 4.

    During the day I usually sleep on the fireplace mantle. The tiles are cool, particularly during these dog days of summer (get it, dog days?). The mantle is also the perfect spot to spy on what’s happening around the house.

    But when my humans enter the room to watch TV, I beeline it onto the couch. Everyone knows the corner is the coziest spot and I try to swoop it up as fast as possible.

    Tonight though, Sister got there first.

    P.S. Please don’t make fun of the fact that I look like a girl. I got a furcut this week. My stylist insists on giving me a blowout with a more feminine look.

  • 3.

    Last night started out great. It was Tuesday which is my favorite day of the week because at night we watch American’s Got Talent as a family. It’s funny, we’re home together a lot but we don’t always spend time together. Shuffles is usually in his office working; Sister is on the phone with friends. Food Lady cooks since, after all, she’s food lady and I sort of wander around looking for someone to hang out with me. But, we all enjoy AGT and we especially enjoy it when we watch together. I am a Good Addition to the Family on Tuesday nights. I love to move from one of my humans to the other, snuggling on their laps and on top of their feet while contestants show us their talents and battle for first place. If I had to pick another human to live with, it would be Heidi Klum. She’s so nice and funny and pretty. Plus, I love her clothes. What, a dog can have a crush on a human, ok? Besides, I would definitely not want Simon Cowell as my human. He seems a little mean and he rarely smiles.

    Last night was especially great because it was the first Live Show of the season which means we – the great American public – get to vote! Now, I know what you are thinking – I can’t vote because I have neither a phone nor thumbs, but Sister can! And she picked my favorite act – dogs wearing cute outfits doing amazing tricks. I knew I could count on Sister. Tonight, we will learn if they continue onto the finals.

    After the AGT Live Show though, my night took a turn for the worse. Shuffles and Food Lady decided I did, in fact, need to sleep in the crate. I tried to apologize. I promised I’d be good, that I wouldn’t poop, that I’d let them sleep. But all they heard was bark, bark, bark…bark bark…bark. Again, my life would be so much better if they spoke Dog. 

    This was me watching TV before I went back to dog jail.

  • 2.

    I did something bad. It’s a little embarrassing but since we’re friends now, I’ll tell you. I pooped on the living room rug last night. In my defense, I barked to wake Food Lady so she could let me out, but she yelled “Cooper, go back to bed!” which I tried to do until I just couldn’t hold it anymore. Since she had gone back to sleep, I had no choice but to do the deed inside. Shuffles was NOT happy when he saw what I did. I may have lost my newly minted status of Good Addition to the Family. I even overheard him tell Food Lady I might have to go back to sleeping in the crate. The CRATE! I just got out of that cage a few weeks ago. 

    You see, I’m not quite two years old so I’m still a puppy. My humans say I’m getting better – I’m almost-a-dog now. With being almost-a-dog, I have recently earned more of what my humans call independence. I used to have to go in the crate whenever my humans left the house and when they slept at night. Now, if you’re not familiar with a crate, let me just tell you, crate is a fancy word for dog jail. It’s this small box that you can barely stand in with a cage door that they lock so you can’t get out! Do you know what a dog does in there for hours on end? Nothing. There is absolutely nothing to do but sit and wait and nap the time away. 

    I admit, when my humans first gave me independence, I rebelled a bit when they weren’t around. I would rip up toilet paper and empty out the bathroom trash can. Once I even got ahold of Shuffles’ sunglasses and gave them a nice chew. After that, I heard Shuffles and Food Lady talking about how maybe they can’t trust me alone yet. No, I thought! They are going to send me back to the crate! I vowed I would be extra good the next time they went out. I still mess up a little from time to time – after all, I am still technically a puppy – but Shuffles and Food Lady have been much impressed with my performance lately. The dreaded crate word hasn’t come up – until this morning. 

    Now I might have to go back to dog jail tonight – all because Food Lady mistook my bark for wanting to play, not needing to go out. Life would be so much easier if my humans spoke Dog.

  • 1.

    It’s one of those days where all the humans are home, lounging in their pajamas. I think they call it Sunday. Oh, by the way, I’m a dog and my name is Cooper, at least that’s what the humans call me. They also call me Coopsie and Coops but I think my proper name is Cooper because that’s the one humans use when I do something wrong. I live with three of them. Two big ones and one small one. The big ones are a boy and a girl. The small one is a girl too. I’m not totally sure of their actual names. I’ve heard the big girl called Mom. I like to call her Food Lady, because she’s the one that feeds me. I call the boy Shuffles because he shuffles in his slippers when he walks around the house. The small girl tells me she’s my sister and I’m her brother, so I call her Sister. If I’m being completely honest with you, I’m a little jealous of her. She has more toys than me. She gets more playdates. And SHE’s allowed on the bed – I’m not. I don’t think my parents treat us fairly, but then again, I’ve heard parents often favor their first born.

    But I digress, I wanted to tell you about last night. I couldn’t believe it – I got to GO OUT. And not just out for a walk – I got to go OUT FOR DINNER with the big humans! For once, they left the small human home, and I was the one who got to go. We went to this place with a pretty river and rocks, and stores and restaurants. And SO MANY people who all paid attention to me. Now, we haven’t met yet so you don’t know this about me, but I can be quite charming. And I got to use all my charms last night. I smiled and wagged my tale while everyone said hi and scratched my ear. When they walked away, I found them again to say hi. I’m positive a few minutes spending time with me was the highlight of their night. Humans love me. They find me friendly. They think I’m sweet. They think I’m interesting. They always ask what breed I am. I don’t know what that means, but I’ve learned the answer is Cockapoo which is some sort of cocker spaniel, poodle combination. They also ask what color I am. The big humans say “Blue Merle” which apparently is unusual. And, humans always ooh and ahh at my eyes because one is blue and the other brown. I don’t understand what is so unusual about this but then again, I can’t see colors, so I just have to take their word for it.

    Anyway, going out was definitely a nice change of pace from sitting in the house all day and night. Shuffles and Food Lady seemed happy with their decision to take me along. They gave me lots of extra pets and beamed with pride whenever someone mentioned how cute I am. Shuffles even said I’m A Good Addition to the Family – and he’s my toughest critic. I hope that means I get to go out again soon. 

    This is me. I told you I was charming.